Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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