I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
