dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize