I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
