dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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