that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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