Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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