So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
