I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
