I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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