I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it was like eating out sand paper
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
