I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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