You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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