hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
