i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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