Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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