Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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