If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
