I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
