No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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