i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
no you cant smoke seaweed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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