haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
