so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
