she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
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Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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