i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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