i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
