8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
