What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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