I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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