Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
