this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I had to cum in my sink.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
