I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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