woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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