this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
this hospital has no fireball
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
