i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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