I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
