Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
