Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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