Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
