Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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