i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
