just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
