I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
