This is not my ceiling
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
