just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
