cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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