I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
