he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you traded sex for a burrito?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
