I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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