I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sorry my hands just texted you
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
