You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
