ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
