Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
