At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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