he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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