**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
