They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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