i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
