I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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