Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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