So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
