sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
