Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
