Quick, to the slutcave!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
